incidental reflection of feelings in grayscale

"Isn't it strange how people never form a whole? [...] They never come together. They remain separate. Each goes his own way, distrustful and tragic. Even when they're together, in big buildings, or in the street."

- Franz, Band of Outsiders

But I haven't got a stitch to wear...

a frustrated Cher in Clueless

I’ve recently started monitoring my purchases since the year started. And at first, I was in awe.
Now, I just feel nothing but disgust for myself for being able to spend so much in such a short period of time. It’s scary how quickly I’m able to make money disappear.

A lot of this have to do with impulse buying. It’s dangerous and not at all worth it, but is sadly and shamefully a terrible habit of mine.
Sure, a $20 top from H&M doesn’t really seem like it would hurt, neither would a £4 skirt, which may initially seem like a bargain triumph.
(FACT: I once purchased a £6 horse-print dress from Primark without trying it on. I thought, Ahhh, Horses! At this price! And it’s the last one in my size – I have to get it! I then went home and forgot about it, almost as quickly as my decision to buy it. When I came across it again in my luggage, I couldn’t figure out why I bought it in the first place. Despite the cute galloping horses all over the dress, the colour did not suit me at all; it fit like a stiff apron, and the quality, needless to say, was awful. Yet I felt no pangs of regret then because, oh well, what’s £6, right? If I could go back in time, I would totally kick myself in the shin. That’s about $10 down the drain, and no way of getting it back.)
In the long run, these little, seemingly insignificant purchases add up. In the past 4 months alone, I would have been able to afford a good camera and a new iPod, or airfare to cross the Atlantic if I only saved. Now that $20 top and £4 skirt are sitting in my closet, only worn twice, maybe 3 times, and already, it’s become threadbare, faded and awaiting for disposal. (The £6 Primark dress had long been donated. I got rid of it as quickly as possible. I think, subconsciously, the item served as a testament of how out-of-control my habits were becoming. But I was still hesitant to admit it then.)

For many a time, I’ve stood in my room, frustrated – not knowing what or whining about having “nothing” to wear. It’s these too-common instances of frustration that fuel the urge to buy, buy, buy, and it’s a costly attitude to have.
It’s definitely high time for me to change my ways. It’s a learning process, and it will definitely take some getting used to – and loads of discipline and self-restraint! But I’m determined to follow through. I have to. Over-consumption is not only depletive for finances but also very unhealthy for the environment! (My high school environmental club president-self must be very disappointed in me.)
And I certainly do not need any more stuff to add to a life of clutter.

Thursday/thirst day

This past week, I traded my winter parka with... nothing! No extra layers beyond the sundress - insanity!
Despite how wonderful it is to see the effects of sunshine on people's demeanours (cheery people outdoors! bright coloured outfits!), it is a bit disconcerting to think about as it is only MARCH, and the weather people are already discussing humidity! Plus, this whole thing about zombie children in Uganda and the season finale of The Walking Dead - ugh. Where is the world going to?
But life has been [extra] hectic lately. And this fun little cover has been soundtracking every bit of it, adding some positive vibes to balance out the nutty-ness!

Talent-vines Day

This week is all about the lurrve (or more accurately put, the overrated and exhausting romantic connotations brought about by this "holiday") -- being in favour of/against it.
On Tuesday, I went to this Valentines gig at Oz Studios. Tonight, Static Zine & The Continuist are hosting an Anti-Valentines party. Two extremes that cancel each other out.

interruption of regular programming: Oxford in the summer (Nostalgia 2012)